Am I Normal?
“Am I Normal?”
“I wish I was normal!”
Have you ever said that?
If you have, you’re not alone. I thought it was worth writing a blog post about; this builds on this blog about ‘Rules for Life’.
What is the Definition of Normal?
Good question!
The dictionary uses words such as usual, expected and typical to describe the word normal.
These are useful descriptions for things where there is a ‘right’ and a ‘not quite right’ or even ‘wrong’ answer.
Like blood pressure or blood sugar levels. There are scales for us to measure against and we know if we fall into ‘normal,’ ‘medium,’ or ‘high.’ So normal is a useful word in this circumstance, we know that if we fall in that category, we should limit our risk of health complications.
But what about things that don’t have a right or wrong answer?
Who Decides Normal?
Hmmm. That’s a tricky one. Is it a case of conforming to a standard? That would be easy if we were clones, but we’re not!
Are you normal if you’re above the average height (or well below it like me!)?
That might depend on where you live. The average for males in Nepal is 5’4”, but in the Netherlands it’s 5’11”, so you might be ‘normal’ in one place, and not in the other.
Of course, in order for there to be an average, there has to be a range. Does that mean that you’re only normal if you’re in the middle? And how do you know where ‘middle’ lies? Which method do you use to calculate average?
So many questions!
Why Don’t I Feel Normal?
What about when things aren’t easily measured? Like anxiety, beauty, love, self-esteem and emotions.
You might imagine that everyone else is normal and you are not, but let’s think about that a moment.
First of all, do we mean…
look normal,
sound normal,
have normal habits,
have a normal relationship,
think normal thoughts?
And is it what you think is normal, what they think is normal or what society at large thinks is normal?
Is Joe Normal?
Joe grew up in a family of sports fanatics, but Joe preferred making music. Joe’s family said it wasn’t normal to not like sports and Joe believed them. He felt useless when he tried to join in, and hated every minute of it. But with all the family pressure, wasn’t able to say how he truly felt.
But what if Joe had been born into a family of musicians instead? In that family he would have been completely ‘normal’; accepted, understood and encouraged.
It helps to realise how our early experiences and messages from others can shape our present understanding of what is normal.
Are YOU Normal?
What if I was to say no?
Because there really is no such thing.
We are all unique.
We might fit into certain norms in some areas of our life; work, relationships, the way we present ourselves to the world, but it’s just not possible to adhere to society’s expectations across the board.
So after all this, do you want to be normal?
There are many advantages to being part of a group, a team, fitting in and finding people who understand us because they think and act in similar ways to you. However, what do you do if you come across areas where you disagree, where you find the views of others unacceptable?
Peer pressure can be a strong force for making us conform to the ‘normal’, but it can cause real problems too. In extreme cases, it can even be dangerous; it is how cults and extremism work, although that doesn’t mean that the mainstream ideas are always right either.
Our brains are all unique and our circumstances are all unique too; of course there might be similarities between us, but ultimately, we are individuals.
Perhaps what we need to be working towards is to find out what normal is for us, learn to express what that is, and be able to advocate for ourselves if we find others challenging our version of normal.
Sometimes, it can be helpful to have support to do this. If any of these ideas are resonating with you, why not get in touch to book your first session. WhatsApp message Helen on +34 654065721 or email helen@lazuli.es.