Are you Oversensitive?

The word ‘over’ can be used in all sorts of ways, but when it’s used as a prefix to another word, like overthink, oversensitive, overreact etc, it can be unhelpful.

The Link Between ‘Over’ and Judgement

Has anyone ever said one of those to you? If you’re highly sensitive, you may well have heard them many times.

The problem with adding ‘over’ to another word, is that you’re also adding a judgment.

Let’s look at those in more detail with some (fictional) examples…

• Your friend says something which upsets you, and your partner tells you to stop overreacting.

• You are thinking about problems that might happen in a project that’s important to you, but when you tell someone about it they say you’re overthinking it.

• A newspaper article makes you cry, but you are told that you’re being oversensitive.

Now let’s remove the ‘over’ from each…

• Your friend says something which upsets you, and you react.

• You are thinking about problems that might happen in a project that’s important to you.

• A newspaper article makes you cry because you’re sensitive.

The “Why Wouldn’t I?” Test

Try the, “Why wouldn’t I?” test!

This is useful test to check how you feel about the situation…

• If your friend says something that upsets you, why wouldn’t you react?

• Why wouldn’t you think about problems that might happen in a project that’s important to you?

• If you’re sensitive, why wouldn’t you cry at a distressing newspaper article?

So what is the ‘over’ actually saying?

You, or whoever is saying it, is also adding a judgement of, “I think that’s too much.”

Often, it is accompanied by, “Don’t be silly!”

The thing is, there are no rules about how much you are allowed to feel, about what, and how much you express that.

What if it’s Not ‘Over…’ but the Perfect Amount!

If you are upset by a friend, it’s absolutely right to react to that! That opens the door to communication and growth.

If you are thinking a great deal about something, it’s because you are processing it, and that happens more efficiently when you feel good, rather than feeling ashamed. If you are highly sensitive, you also process things much more deeply, from lots of different angles, so it’s bound to take longer; the upside of this is that you will probably end up with a more nuanced and thorough end-product.

And if you cry at a newspaper article, it is because it has triggered something in you that needs to come out; this can be a catalyst for fighting injustice, or simply confirmation that you can empathise with sad stories. Wouldn’t it be great if there were more like you!

What If It’s Not You, It’s Them?

If it is someone else using the ‘over’ word about your behaviour, it’s worth being curious about why; are your big feelings making them uncomfortable? Again, that’s worth a conversation about how their judgement is making you feel.

Next time you are told that you’re overthinking, oversensitive or overreacting, try the “Why wouldn’t I?” test, and see how it feels.

If it feels better, then great!

If it doesn’t feel better, there might be other things going on, e.g. gaslighting, and it could be useful to explore this in therapy.

If this resonates with you, please WhatsApp message Helen on 0034 654065721, or email helen@lazuli.es to arrange your first session.